another moral hangover. fuck.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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