thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Found your dick twin last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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