i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
