My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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