She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
