Kiss
Puke
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
