didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
