i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
