That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
