He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
