Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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