Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
