She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
