The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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