I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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