just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
