did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
