Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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