I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
