I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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