You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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