I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize