i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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