I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
