It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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