ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
