Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
