got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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