Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
