Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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