You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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