:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
