After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
