Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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