girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
