I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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