we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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