Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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