If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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