things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
