I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
