my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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