His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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