if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
