tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
40s are totally the cure
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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