Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
