Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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