Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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