You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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