he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
