Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
