And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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