i think i have two assholes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
