We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
