I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
