I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
