I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
