So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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