Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
