I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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