Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ttyl tear gas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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