Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
