just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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