I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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