Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
