I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
