Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
