ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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