the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
